Sportswriter Takes Transgender Identity Public

Mike Penner of the L.A. Times Wrote a Column to Explain Some Changes, Including His New Name: Christine

By LAURA COVERSON

April 27, 2007 —

This week veteran sportswriter Mike Penner crossed a line, and there is no turning back.

Using his newspaper -- the Los Angeles Times -- as a platform, the prolific Penner announced yesterday that he was taking a vacation and that when he returned, things in his life would be very different, including his name:

"I will come back in yet another incarnation. As Christine," Penner wrote.

Writing under the byline of Mike Penner for the last time, the 49-year-old journalist candidly described the pain of a lifetime feeling like a woman trapped in a man's body.

"It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words," Penner confessed. "I am a transsexual sportswriter."

Transgender is the term used to describe "people whose gender identity and/or gender expression differs from the sex they were assigned at birth," according to the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLADD).

The term transgender can include not only those who pursue sexual reassignment, as Penner has, but also cross-dressers and other "gender variant people," according to GLADD.

The American Psychiatric Association's Diagnostic and Statistics Manual, DSM- IV, "suggests that roughly one per 30,000 adult males and one per 100,000 adult females seek [sex-reassignment surgery]."

Penner said the research suggests nature, not nurture, is primarily responsible for the confusion that can produce a life of agony.

"Recent studies have shown that such physiological factors as genetics and hormonal fluctuation during pregnancy can significantly affect how our brains are 'wired' at birth," he wrote in the Times. "As extensive therapy and testing have confirmed, my brain was wired female."

Mostly Positive Reaction

Buoyed by the mostly positive response to her revelation, Christine Daniels consented to have the tables turned on the journalist and be the subject of a follow-up story by a fellow Los Angeles Times reporter.

She walked into the lobby of the Times building yesterday afternoon as a woman.

According to the story posted last night on latimes.com, the tall Daniels (her middle name as a man was Daniel) wore slacks, a blouse with flowers, a bit of make-up and a wig of long, strawberry blond hair that she will don while growing out her own hair.

"Writing that piece, which I didn't initially want to write, ended up becoming one of the best things I have ever done," Daniels told Times staff writer James Rainey.

"And a day I dreaded all my life has ended up being one of the best days I've ever had."

By the end of the day, the Times reported Daniels had received 538 e-mails. Only two of them negative.

Like the personal e-mails, postings on the latimes.com message board were largely positive. But there were some who took issue with both Penner's story and his decision to live as a woman.

"It's a pity you couldn't get the substantive therapy you needed," said one, according to the Times. "There's nothing 'natural' about what you describe, and the fact that your DNA doesn't change is proof."

Daniels' role as a transgender sports reporter could pose unique challenges. The world of sports and sports reporting is more associated with maleness and traditional masculinity than perhaps any endeavor, other than warfare. Though women have staked out turf on the playing field, sports are still mostly identified with masculinity.

Sexual Orientation in the Sports World

People in sports who have sexual orientations that are different from the majority have traditionally been inclined to keep their private lives, private. And like the military, athletes and those that cover them have tended to follow a "don't ask, don't tell" policy.

Going public about one's sexuality is never a completely smooth journey, suggests former NBA player John Amaechi.

In February, with the publication of his book "Man in the Middle" (ESPN Books), Amaechi became the the first professional basketball player to openly admit his homosexuality.

"This man is truly brave," Amaechi said of Penner. "Your average jock will initially have a hard time viewing him as a woman."

"People don't understand homosexuality or bisexuality, and transsexualism is a taboo in some respects, even within the gay community," suggested Amaechi, who is now a psychologist.

Still, the former Penn State hoops star predicts the response of athletes is likely to be no different than the general population from which they come.

"You will have some who are miserably against it. You will have the people who are very supportive and some who are part ambivalent and part confused," said Amaechi.

"I think it is going to take some real adjustment on the part of other sportswriters in the Los Angeles Times newsroom, other people in the sports media here in Los Angeles, athletes that she comes in contact with," said Steve Mason, sports talk show host for 710-AM radio (ESPN) in Los Angeles.

But Mason, who praised the "heartfelt" column, also said it's hard not to root for Christine Daniels.

"You feel for this person and what they have gone through," said Mason. "But I am one who believes people are far more enlightened, even in the world of sports, than people give all of us credit for, and I think she will be just fine."

Howard Bragman, head of the Los Angeles public relations firm Fifteen Minutes, applauded the forthright approach taken by Mike Penner.

"This is a courageous act. He's putting a face to something that is not really talked about, " said Bragman, whose firm represents several high-profile gay athletes, including Amaechi, former WNBA all-star Sheryl Swoops and golfer Rosie Jones.

"By writing the column and controlling the first information that is out there, you really get to set the agenda for how to discuss it," Bragman said.

Life Across the Line

Characterizing herself as a "transitioning transsexual," Daniels told the Times she began dressing full time as Christine four months ago, when she began taking hormones.

Concerned for her privacy, Daniels said that it's "too early" to reveal whether she intends to have surgery to complete the physical change from male to female.

Mike Penner was married to a fellow sportswriter at the Times, and there are unconfirmed reports that the pair have separated.

After 23 years with the Los Angeles Times, Christine Daniels' future there may be changing as well. After a few weeks of vacation, she plans to return to the paper.

In addition to a sports blog, latimes.com reportedly plans to offer her space to chronicle this watershed period of her life and gender transformation.

The tentative title for the column: "Woman in Progress."

TransKids Purple Rainbow

From ABCnews.com:

"Stephanie Grant and Renee Jennings, two of the mothers who appear on Barbara Walters' special, have joined together to launch a new foundation called TransKids Purple Rainbow:"

http://www.transkidspurplerainbow.org/

Their goal is to fund research and education about transgender issues.

Below are other resources for adults and young people who are transgender or are just interested in learning more:

For Parents

TRANSFAMILY: http://www.transfamily.org/

A support group for transgender and transsexual people, their parents and families.

PFLAG TRANSGENDER NETWORK: http://pflag.org/TNET.tnet.0.html

Focuses on support, education and advocacy for trans people and their families.

CHILDREN'S NATIONAL MEDICAL CENTER: http://www.dcchildrens.com/gendervariance

Support groups for parents who want to affirm young children with gender-variant behaviors.

GENDER ODYSSEY CONFERENCE: http://www.transconference.org/family/index.htm

National conference for families with gender variant and transgender children.

FAMILY ACCEPTANCE PROJECT: http://familyproject.sfsu.edu

Research on LGBT adolescents and young adults and their families. Developing family education materials, and assessment and intervention materials for providers.

GENDER SPECTRUM EDUCATION AND TRAINING: http://www.genderspectrum.org/

Provides education, resources and training to create a more gender sensitive and supportive environment for all children.

For Children and Teens

SMYAL -- SEXUAL MINORITY YOUTH ASSISTANCE LEAGUE: http://www.smyal.org/

A social services organization for lesbian, gay and transgender youth.

GLSEN -- GAY LESBIAN STRAIGHT EDUCATION NETWORK: http://www.glsen.org/

Works with school officials to ensure that transgender, gay and lesbian students are not harassed or bullied.

NATIONAL YOUTH ADVOCACY COALITION: http://www.nyacyouth.org/

Advocacy organization for young people, including transgender youth.

PROJECT 10: http://www.lausd.k12.ca.us/lausd/offices/eec/project10.htm

A Los Angeles Unified School District program that offers technical and educational support to schools and lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender students.

HETRICK MARTIN INSTITUTE: http://www.hmi.org/

A social services agency for transgender and gay youth in New York City. Also runs the Harvey Milk High School, a public school for LGBT youth.

For Adults

FTM INTERNATIONAL: http://www.ftmi.org/

Runs support groups for female to male (FTM) transsexuals in cities around the world.

TS ROAD MAP: http://www.tsroadmap.com/

An on-line guide for people in the process of transitioning.

THE TRANSITIONAL MALE: http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/

Resources and information specifically for FTMs.

Health and Medicine

WORLD PROFESSIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR TRANSGENDER HEALTH: http://www.wpath.org/

A professional medical organization formerly known as the Harry Benjamin International Gender Dysphoria Association.

DIMENSIONS CLINIC: http://www.dimensionsclinic.org

Drop-in groups, mental health, medical care, and hormonal treatment for transgender teens.

BROADWAY YOUTH CENTER: http://www.howardbrown.org

Full youth support services including drop-in groups, mental health, medical care, hormonal treatment.

THE MAZZONI CENTER: http://www.mazzonicenter.org/

LGBT health center in Philadelphia.

WALKER-WHITMAN CLINIC: http://www.wwc.org/

Provides health services for LGBT people in Washington, DC.

CALLEN-LORDE COMMUNITY HEALTH CENTER: http://www.callen-lorde.org/

A primary health center serving New York City's LGBT population.

Homeless Shelters for LGBT Youth

THE ARK OF REFUGE: http://www.arkofrefuge.org/

San Francisco, CA

JEFF GRIFFITH YOUTH CENTER OF THE L.A. GAY & LESBIAN CENTER: http://www.lagaycenter.org/site/c.mvI4IhNZJwE/b.893343/k.B313/Homeless_Services.htm

Los Angeles, CA

WALTHAM HOUSE: http:www.thehome.org

Boston, MA

RUTH ELLIS CENTER: http://www.ruthelliscenter.com

Highland Park, MI

THE ALI FORNEY CENTER: http://www.aliforneycenter.org
New York, NY

SYLVIA'S PLACE: http://www.sylviasplace.org

New York, NY

GREEN CHIMNEYS: http://www.greenchimneys.org/

New York, NY

Advocacy Groups

GENDERPAC: http://www.gpac.org/

Works to promote freedom of gender expression.

GENDER EDUCATION AND ADVOCACY: http://www.gender.org/

Focuses on the needs and issues of gender variant people.

INTERNATIONAL FOUNDATION FOR GENDER EDUCATION: http://www.ifge.org/

An advocacy and educational group promoting free gender expression.

NCLR TRANSGENDER LAW PROJECT: http://www.nclrights.org/projects/transgenderproject.htm

Lawyers who represent transgender youth and adults on a range of legal issues.

NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY: http://www.nctequality.org/

Dedicated to advancing the equality of transgender people.

TRANSGENDER LAW & POLICY INSTITUTE: http://www.transgenderlaw.org/

Works on law and policy initiatives on behalf of transgender people.

SYLVIA RIVERA LAW PROJECT: http://www.srlp.org/

Works to protect the right of gender self-expression.

'I Want to Be Seen as Male'

Transgender Teenager and His Parents Share Their Story With Barbara Walters

By ALAN B. GOLDBERG and JONEIL ADRIANO

April 26, 2007 —

On Sept. 19, 2004, 14-year-old Rebecca gave a startling letter to her mother, Betsy.

"This is one of those stream of consciousness things that I write in the wee hours of the morning when I'm tired and unable to sleep. I was probably crying when I wrote it, but don't think that the tears blurring my eyes were blurring my judgment as well," Rebecca wrote.

"What am I? I ask myself this all the time. Right now what I believe myself to be is an FTM, or a female-to-male transsexual. A boy in a girl's body. What I want is for you to understand, and let me transition into the boy I really am."

The startling admission left Betsy shocked and bewildered.

"It was an out of body experience," she said. (The family's last name is not being used to protect their privacy.)

For Rebecca, the letter was the culmination of years of anguish over feelings that she had been born into the wrong body. She signed it, "Love, your son," -- a reflection of her deeply held conviction that she was a boy. (Click here to read the full letter).

"I can't quite explain it. It was just a feeling of being not quite in my body," Rebecca said. "When I was in kindergarten, I would tell people that when I grew up I wanted to be a boy. I didn't want to be astronaut, or a teacher. I wanted to be a boy."

'It Didn't Really Feel Like My Body'

Rebecca's parents, however, saw no signs that something was amiss with their youngest child. Raising their family in Los Angeles, the couple worked hard to make their two daughters, Rebecca and Anna, feel that they could do everything that boys could do.

So when Rebecca wanted to play with trucks with other boys, Betsy and her husband weren't troubled.

"I think I must honestly say that I was pretty oblivious to that," said Rebecca's father, Peter.

But it was excruciatingly clear to Rebecca -- even more so when she hit puberty. She felt awkward and uncomfortable when her breasts began to grow. Menstruation, which for most girls is a celebrated right of womanhood, served only to further alienate Rebecca from her own body.

"It didn't really feel like my body, or like this was my life-changing moment. It just seemed like this weird thing that was happening."

Confused, Rebecca went looking for answers, and in the seventh grade, she found them on the Internet. She finally had a word to describe what she was: transgender. She even found other children who struggled with the same feelings she did.

Sharing the Secret

Rebecca had found clarity, but she kept the knowledge of what she was hidden for two more years. Finally, when she was 14 years old, Rebecca told her secret to her sister, Anna, via e-mail.

"I wrote back the same day saying, 'You know, I don't get it yet, but I love you with all my heart. You are my favorite person in the world, and absolutely, whatever you need,'" Anna said.

Anna and Rebecca had always been close. With her sister's support, Rebecca wrote her coming-out letter and gave it to her mother. Despite her initial shock, Betsy kept her composure, and even had the wherewithal to ask whether Rebecca had a new name. She was prepared. Rebecca became Jeremy.

"I didn't see her crying the day I came out," Jeremy said. "She held it in, which was kind of what I needed then. I needed to know that she still loved me. And that this wasn't going to bring her to tears."

Jeremy didn't come out to his father right away, fearful of how he would react. But Peter found out anyway just a few weeks later. While working on his computer, he discovered letters Rebecca wrote about wanting to be a boy.

"I think I just kind of withdrew into some silence because I realized that anger wasn't the correct response," Peter said. "I mean, this had to be accepted somehow."

Becoming Jeremy

Jeremy began to transition into a boy almost immediately after coming out to his parents. He got his hair cut short. He asked his parents to stop referring to him as a she. He bought all his clothes, down to the socks and underwear, from the boys' department. He also began to wear a binder, a Lycra vest that painfully flattened his breasts.

Finally, in the ninth grade, Jeremy came out to his school during an assembly in front of teachers and friends. Going to a progressive school, Jeremy was generally accepted by his classmates.

"The boys at my school did a sort of funny, almost initiation, in which they asked me about which girls that we knew in common I thought were really attractive. It was like they were trying to kind of feel me out," Jeremy said. "It was actually kind of amusing."

Although Jeremy's parents allowed him to use a male name and dress like a boy, in the back of their minds, Peter and Betsy still hoped that their daughter Rebecca would eventually return. They put Jeremy in therapy, hoping that their child was just going through an adolescent phase.

"I did go through a period of hoping that it would wash away. Disappear," Peter said.

"What I really wanted was for the therapist to help Jeremy work through any body issues that might be within the scope of, you know, what normal adolescent girls go through," Betsy said.

'I Want to Be Seen as Male'

As the months wore on, however, it became clear that Jeremy was experiencing something far more serious. He wanted to go beyond merely altering his outward appearance, he wanted to physically change his body as well.

Jeremy insisted on taking the male hormone testosterone, but his parents thought he was too young. They weren't ready to let go of Rebecca completely.

"That was probably the darkest of all of the times that we went through. The many, many talks that we had. And he said to me, 'Mom, you still don't see me as male.' He had been binding, and dressing as a boy, and had a boy's haircut for a full year," Betsy said. "I admitted it. It was true."

"That was hard to hear," Jeremy said. "I knew that they saw me as a transgendered child, but not as a male child. And, the thing is, that I don't really want to be seen as trans. I want to be seen as male."

Without the testosterone, Jeremy felt trapped in a life between genders. He became anxious that his body would never be whole.

'Definitely Ready'

Betsy and Peter ultimately chose to let Jeremy fully transition. Last year, Peter took Jeremy, 16, to a doctor for his first shot of testosterone.

"Jeremy was a clear-cut case. He came in completely ready. He was definitely ready," said Jo Olson, Jeremy's doctor.

"When you start giving someone hormones of the opposite gender, they go through a puberty. That's exactly what they go through," said Olson, an adolescent medicine specialist at Children's Hospital Los Angeles. "We are trying to get male patterned hair -- so beard, mustache, a little bit more body hair. We are aiming for a deepening of the voice."

"I'm very grateful to have had that experience, to be just a teenaged boy. And now I'm sort of on the same level as the guys I know who are biologically male," Jeremy said. "I'm not stunted anymore."

Today, Jeremy is a typical high school senior. His name was legally changed after his 16th birthday. He gets good grades at school, is accepted by his peers, passes as a boy and looks forward to college enrolled as a male. And like many young men his age, he worries about dating -- other men.

"I could have been a straight woman. But then I would have been someone's girlfriend. And that's … that's not right. What I want to be is someone's boyfriend. That's what feels right," Jeremy said.

Gender and Sexuality

It's not unusual for transgender people to identify as gay. That's because your gender doesn't really determine your romantic attractions, according to Olson.

"There is a big difference between sexuality, or who you're sexually attracted to, and what gender you identify with," she said.

Although surgery is expensive and not covered by insurance, Jeremy hopes to undergo procedures to remove his breasts before he goes to college. Surgery below the waist -- to create an artificial penis -- is not an option, he says, because the results are often disappointing.

"The surgery for male-to-female transsexuals is a lot better and more realistic than the female-to-male [process]," he said. "It's depressing. Part of me wants to say that it's not fair that I have to stay this way, and that nothing can be done about it. I'm a big believer in the power of medicine to heal. I can't be helped, and that's frustrating."

Whatever decisions Jeremy makes about surgeries, Betsy and Peter say they will stand behind him. They've accepted that their daughter is now their son, even if a small part of them still wonders whether Rebecca might come back.

"There are times when I can still hold that over myself," Betsy said. "And that was the thing that I think kept me from fully accepting Jeremy. But I've learned so much from our child. You can't predict the future. And you can't control it."

Jeremy has no regrets. Asked what he saw when he looked at pictures of Rebecca, Jeremy said, "I just see someone whose eyes aren't really smiling."

"I'm so much happier than I was before I came out and transitioned. The feeling of wrongness is gone," he said. "I feel for the first time in my life as though I am in the right body. I feel like, the world sees me as I see myself."