Saturday, August 11, 2007
A Family Doctor's Journey From Man to Woman
And what it means for his family of patients.
 In 1988, Dr. Roy Berkowitz-Shelton opened Davis Square Family Practice in Somerville and sent out this letter to attract patients. The practice grew quickly. (Globe Photo / Christopher Churchill) |
The following is an excerpt of a story coming in Sunday's Boston Globe Magazine.
On May 22, 2006, Mike Foster was sitting on the padded exam table in his doctor's office, undergoing his annual physical. It was a familiar place. For 14 years, he'd been coming to see the same doctor in the same Somerville office a few blocks from the same two-family home that had been in Foster's family for four generations. And it was a comfortable place. Despite having to wear a hospital johnny that stretched to cover his 6-foot-7 frame, Foster felt at ease, because of the doctor sitting across from him. Roy Berkowitz-Shelton, a soft-spoken, bald, middle-aged family physician a foot shorter than Foster, always managed to convey competence and caring at the same time.
Foster, who managed truck sales for a local Chevy dealership, looked younger than his 52 years, with his full head of light-brown hair just beginning to admit some gray. But his body, which had served him well during his days playing basketball for Somerville High School, was definitely showing its miles. Bad knees, bone spurs in his heels, a blood clot in his leg, and a back so bad it required triple fusion spinal surgery. Throughout it all, Dr. Berkowitz-Shelton had been his source of stability, coordinating care with other specialists.
There was something else that made his doctor special. During visits, he always reserved ample time to talk about Foster's personal life, about his children, his marriage, his work, his level of happiness. They found that despite their different backgrounds, they had a lot in common: Both were 52-year-old, hard-working men devoted to their wives of 25 years and their college-age kids.
"He was a friend, a confidant," Foster says. "I felt I could talk to him about anything."
But as this exam was winding down, it was the doctor who chose to do the confiding. Peering over the glasses resting on the tip of his nose, he told Foster there was going to be a major change in the practice in about a month. A letter would soon be going out to all his patients, but he wanted to give Foster advance notice.
From the seriousness in his doctor's voice, Foster sensed he was about to tell him he was moving to California or retiring early or leaving medicine. He had built up so much trust in the guy that he dreaded the prospect of losing him.
"I'm going to be transitioning to live my life as a woman," the doctor said.
Foster was floored. He stared at Berkowitz-Shelton, and for the first time noticed that he was not just cleanshaven but now appeared to be devoid of facial hair. This was no joke. Foster struggled to come up with an appropriate response. But his first thought was how some of the tougher townies he grew up with in Somerville might have responded had they been sitting on the exam table, wearing the johnny. Would they have just punched him in the nose? Foster put that thought aside and said, "That's interesting. How are your peers taking the news?" Continued...
India: Another eunuch undergoes sex change surgery
Hospital Dean Dr S Manivel told newspersons here yesterday that the surgery was performed on Bhanumathi successfully and her health condition was normal.
Simran was recovering well after the successful surgery, he added. The Tamil Nadu Government had announced that such surgeries would be performed on eunuchs free of cost to enable their entry into the mainstream of society and save them from social ostracisation.
The hospital had received as many as 12 applications for the surgery. Of them, eight were shortlisted as the remaining four tested positive for HIV. The others would come under the scalpel in phases.
You can't keep your cross-dressing in the closet
From Thursday's Globe and Mail
August 9, 2007 at 8:55 AM EDT
Group Therapy is a weekly relationship-based advice column that allows readers to contribute their wisdom. Each week, we'll offer up a problem for you to weigh in on, and then publish the most lively responses, with a final word on the matter delivered by our columnist, Claudia Dey.
The question
A reader writes: My wife and I have been married for a long time. Recently, I started acting on long-standing fantasies I've had about dressing as a woman. I keep it private. I'm not dating other people, nor have I gotten involved in a relationship with anyone while dressed as a woman. Regardless, I'm quite certain my wife would leave me in 10 seconds if she found out. But I hate keeping a secret from her. What's the best way to deal with a problem like this?
BE BRAVE, TALK IT OUT
This is a problem for you as an individual, because dressing as a woman seems to be important as an expression of your deep self. I applaud your courage in acting on your long-held desires. But it is also a problem for your marriage.
I believe you, but don't know why you think your wife would leave you "in 10 seconds" if she found out. Is it lack of tolerance on her part? That's something you could probably talk about with her, especially if you can talk it out over time. But that would mean keeping a secret from her for a long time, which would also not be good for your relationship.
I suggest you get some support from a counsellor who is familiar with transvestism. And if your wife's feelings are based on religious beliefs, see if you can find counselling that is knowledgeable about and sensitive to her religion.
You've already found your courage; now hold on to your patience, your compassion and your love for your wife. Good luck!
- Elise Moser, Montreal
KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF
Why do you hate keeping this a secret?
I can understand your guilt if your fantasy is not simply to dress as a woman, but to engage in a relationship while dressed as one. However, if your fantasy is simply to dress as a woman, I don't see what the issue is. You are being fulfilled, your wife isn't being hurt, and your relationship continues along its merry way. . . .
