Monday, November 05, 2007
Transsexual host breaks TV taboo
November 3, 2007
When Ramesh Venkatesan realised that he wanted to be a woman as a teenager he was too ashamed to tell his family and friends.
He even pretended to be in love with a girl at his college in the southern state of Tamil Nadu.
Today, aged 28, he not only wears a sari and make-up openly in the street, but next month he will become the first transsexual host of an Indian television programme.
Using his female identity, Rose, he will anchor a Saturday evening talk show addressing sexual and other traditionally taboo issues on Star Vijay, a popular Tamil television channel.
“I want to set an example,” Mr Venkatesan, who plans to undergo sex reassignment in Thailand in the next few months, told The Times. “The transgender community here is totally disempowered. It is very closeted and doesn’t integrate at all. I wanted to join mainstream society.”
His show, called Ippadiku Rose (Yours Rose), is a sign of how Indian economic growth and integration with the West are slowly breaking down social taboos.
Transsexuals have been part of Indian society for hundreds of years and traditionally sing and dance for money at weddings and birthday parties. Though many still perform this way, declining demand and higher living costs have driven them to begging and sex work in recent years.
Mr Venkatesan, who comes from a middle-class family in Madras, said that he had no desire to live such a life. Knowing that his father, a property dealer, would disapprove, he suppressed his identity to complete his education at engineering college. When he went to do a masters degree in the US and his parents started looking for a wife for him, he came out.
“My mother broke down in tears and couldn’t handle it for a long time,” he said. When he returned to India in 2004 his father threw him out of the home but eventually allowed him to return. He can now wear women’s trousers, but not saris, at home. Dressed as a man, he found work as an American-accent coach at a call centre but later became a freelance software engineer so that he could work from home in women’s clothes.
Mr Venkatesan’s ambition, however, was to work in the media, and he approached several television stations with his talk-show idea. The first two laughed him off, but the third, Star Vijay, embraced the concept.
“We were planning a late-night talk show and Rose just walked into our office. We were really impressed,” Pradeep Milroy Peter, the channel’s head of programming, said.
Star Vijay is watched by more than 60 million people in Tamil Nadu and is available all around India as well as in the US and Singapore.
“We want to push the envelope, but we don’t want to go overboard,” Mr Peter said. “India is still very conservative. We have cryogenics and space rockets, but are still discussing whether to have sex education in schools.” . . .
Man raised as girl tells of life as a wife
November 5, 2007Photo: Reuters
With his wrestler's build and deep voice, it is hard to believe that Hussein Rabei could ever be mistaken for a woman, but in the Middle East cultural norms can blind people to the glaringly obvious.
Formerly known as Zaineb, 33-year-old Rabei was raised as a girl after being born with genitalia that more closely resembled a vagina than a penis. Arab culture and its rigid views on gender meant doctors ignored growing signs that Rabei may in fact be male, he said.
"When I married, my husband used to say, 'It's funny, but when I'm with you it feels like I'm with one of the guys, not my wife,"' said Rabei, who is now divorced.
Rabei returned recently from an operation in Thailand to correct his gender -- a procedure for which he obtained consent from both Sunni and Shi'ite clerics.
He is the first Bahraini to go public with news of such an operation, his lawyer said. It triggered a flood of media coverage and condemnation from many of his fellow Bahrainis for what they see as a procedure forbidden by Islam.
Most Muslim scholars say changing one's sex is forbidden unless it is related to an intersex condition such as Rabei's.
His is one of a range of relatively rare conditions in which there is a mismatch between the body's sexual genetic code and its physical make up. Instead of having two X chromosomes -- the female pattern -- he has an XY or male configuration.
This is a complex issue that Rabei said much of Arab and Islamic society was not yet ready for.
"I want to talk, to educate society that this is an illness, not a sexual perversity ... many aren't listening," he said.
Although Iran permits sex-changes, homosexuality is punishable by death in Iran and by imprisonment and lashings in other Middle Eastern countries, highlighting rigid adherence to perceived gender norms.
A champion shot-putter and discus-thrower, Rabei has photos of himself as a woman towering over other female competitors, which prompted sporting authorities to raid his home looking for performance-enhancing drugs.
But his build was not enough to prompt doctors to entertain the idea that he was not a woman.
"Every time I went to hospital, they told me I was a woman," he said, adding doctors routinely failed to diagnose a lack of internal female reproductive organs. Staff at one clinic laughed when he went for tests to determine his genetic sex.
Doctors instead prescribed pills to induce menstruation and suggested an operation to open the hymen when Rabei could not consummate "her" marriage.
Not all those with intersex conditions are unhappy with their assigned gender, but Rabei was.
"It's Arab society, that's all I can say, with its customs and traditions. A man's a man and a woman's a woman," Rabei said.
Rabei turned to a foreign clinic, which found he was genetically male and lacked a female reproductive system.
Rabei's lawyer, who is fighting to have his sex and name changed on official documents, said her work was not easy.
"People have been attacking me personally, asking me why I encourage sex correction. According to them, this is haram, or forbidden in Islamic and Arab society," Fouzia Janahi said.
Rabei's employers have demanded his resignation and psychiatrists have declined to counsel him for life as a man.
"I'm not saying I'm not under intense pressure, but as long as what I'm doing is right medically, religiously and legally, I don't care what people say," he said. "Praise God, I feel like I'm a man, I feel like I'm myself." . . .
POV, Critique, Opinion: Little Boy Pink
"Declan, fix your tiara, it's slipping."
"Declan, lift up your dress, you'll slip on the tafetta."
"Declan, stop fidgeting, the nail polish will smudge."
As the mother of two boys, I thought that I'd never have to worry about Polly Pockets or learning how to French braid. But soon after my son Declan turned two, he ran up to me with a hopeful look on his face and said, "I want to dress up as a ballerina!"
It was inevitable; since we moved in with my sister, Declan's constant playmates are his cousins Erika, six, and Hilary, four. They're not just girls, they're girly-girls: Cinderella-loving, skirt-wearing, icky-bug-hating princesses. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised.
Declan has always been quirky. Soon after his younger brother was born, Declan hiked up his shirt and tried to breast-feed a baby doll. Just before he turned two, he started wearing socks on his hands; this evolved into a love of wearing gloves, which in turn became a love of wearing one glove (note to friends: enough with the Michael Jackson jokes). I don't even get embarrassed any more when we have guests over and Declan runs through the house naked, shouting, "Look at my penis!" So when he wanted to be a ballerina, I figured it was just par for the course. That first night, Declan ended up in a white leotard and black tights, and he and his cousins put on a marvelous ballet. But then at some point girly outfits just became his regular clothes.
Declan's certainly not the first little boy to find comfort in crinoline; it seems that everyone knows someone with a little boy who likes to play dress-up (mostly those with a big sis who likes to do the same). One friend introduced me to Tema, whose four-and-a-half-year-old son Adin began dressing up in his big sister's princess outfits when he was three. She took it in stride. "[We] thought it was incredibly cute and funny and wonderful that he was being interactive with his big sister," she says. "We think it's a natural phase of childhood and do not feel the need to discourage it." Adin's dress-up interests changed as he grew up, and now he is as likely to dress as Scooby Doo or a Power Ranger as a princess.
Whether because of his closeness with his girly cousins or due to some inner aesthetic, Declan has always shown a preference for the pretty. When I showed Declan a shoe catalog that came in the mail, he picked out the white Mary Janes with giant purple flowers. When I took him to buy sheets for his big boy bed, he picked out a pink set. And there's no place he'd rather be than by my side in the kitchen, helping decorate sugar cookies.
I've wondered if this means Declan is gay or will be a cross-dresser when he gets older, or if he will come out down the road as transgendered. But experts say probably not. "Some boys will be more interested than others in dressing up as feminine characters," says Dr. Robert Lindeman, a pediatrician in Natick, Massachusetts, when I ask. "This does not mean that they suffer from gender confusion."
According to Dr. Lindeman, Declan isn't expressing his innate sexuality when he puts on his cousin's Tinkerbell costume, he is simply playing with facts. "Little boys in the preschool years are starting to learn about gender differences," he explains. "To them, the differences are merely facts. When children 'cross-dress,' they are merely having fun with this new fact they've learned. If their parents laugh, it reinforces their sense that they're being funny."
And at our house, we do laugh. A little boy in a fuschia off-the-shoulder ball gown is funny. Everyone looks when Declan descends the staircase holding up the edge of his dress so he doesn't trip. He loves to be the center of attention. (His most oft-used phrase these days is, "Mommy, look!") And when Declan is dressed as Snow White, everyone is looking.
Which is fine for now. Declan still doesn't have any real friends, and the girls he plays with (his cousins and their friends) love to help him get dolled up. But I hope he'll have friends soon. What will the other boys think of the pink ruffles?
Dr. Lindeman tells me I've got plenty of time before peer pressure hits. "This occurs much later than most parents think," he says, "often not until age eight or nine." Until then, it's okay to set some boundaries on dress-up. "Most parents have decided that children should attend kindergarten in gender-appropriate clothes," explains Dr. Lindeman. "There are things a child can do at home that he shouldn't do at school, like put his hand down his pants or pick his nose at the table." Or wear a purple flowered tutu over striped fleece footy pajamas.
According to Dr. Lindeman, "the greater danger is from causing the children to become frightened of their game without knowing why they should be frightened."
Declan in drag has become a fairly frequent occurrence in our house, and we try not to draw too much attention to it or even talk about it; after all, if we make a big deal of it, Declan will come to think of it as a big deal. But one day his cousin Erika teased him: "You're dressed like a girl!" Declan replied indignantly, "No, I'm not!" This inspired the following conversation over dinner (when he was wearing the aforementioned fuschia off-the-shoulder ball gown):
My sister, Amy: Declan, what are you dressed as?
Declan: A ballerina.
Amy: But not a girl ballerina?
Declan: No.
In Declan's mind, he's not dressing like a girl; he's just wearing clothes he likes. What could possibly be wrong with that?
That's the philosophy Tema has maintained through two years of her son playing dress-up. "We encourage his creativity and love that he feels good doing it," she says. And her husband, Doug? "He certainly gets a good laugh out of his sturdy son wearing a pink princess dress."
When a little boy dresses like a little girl, "he is merely having fun," says Dr. Lindeman. "I recommend that parents try to have fun, too."
Fun with a boy in a dress? I can do that. When Declan puts on his tutu and starts pirouetting, I put on the classical music and grab my video camera. I can't wait to play it at his wedding (even if on the big day, he's still the one in the dress).
POV, Critique, Opinion: Kindergarten Cross-Dressing
4 December 2006
Well, I didn't think much could top adults in NYC being able to adopt their gender based on their feelings. But it looks like 5-year-olds in Oakland, Ca., are now being encouraged to cross-dress. Yes, that's right...boys donning pigtails and pink jumpers, if they feel so inclined. The same goes for girls who have a hankering for sporting boyish bobs and clothing.
The worst part...some psychologists are encouraging children at this young age to "be who they are," by cross-dressing in public.
This is outrageous considering the conclusions of a 30-year-study by Dr. Kenneth Zucker, head of the gender-identity service at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health in Toronto, Canada.
Zucker, a psychologist, has worked with about 500 young children who have shown tendencies toward wanting to live as the opposite sex, also known in the field as "gender variant." He has discovered that 80 percent of these young children end up growing out of the behavior, while 15-20 percent continue to show anxiety about their gender.
There's no denying that homosexuality is mysterious, and for those struggling with it, the feelings are powerful and confusing. But this growing trend among parents to let their kindergartners cross-dress is the product of a culture that refuses to set and stand by rules (what five-year-old gets to tell his parents what he is going to wear to school?)
And why are we now taking advantage of our children in this way? Many homosexual adults are fighting to be accepted no matter how they feel or behave. Now our toddlers are learning they can act whatever way they want, based on their feelings?
Moreover, with an 80 percent chance of growing out this behavior, what cross-dressing five-year-old boy is going to grow up and say, "Hey, Mom and Dad. THANK YOU so much for letting me wear that princess dress and tiara to school!" It seems looking back on those school photos would cause a good deal of pain and resentment later in life.
It's time for parents across this country to take a stand. Don't let your five-year-old rule over you! Children look up to their parents to guide them and lead them. They need direction. Fathers, spend quality time with your sons. Mothers, teach your daughters how to embrace and celebrate femininity. Together, encourage your child to be happy with the gender God made him or her to be. This is a positive principle that has healthy benefits no matter your religious beliefs.
Finally, remember children are highly impressionable, so immediately stop your children from emulating any behavior or wearing any clothing that isn't consistent with his or her gender. That's obviously not going to remedy all feelings in all children. Children who grow up with homosexual feelings will need counseling, unconditional love, and God's strength to fight temptation. But what they don't need is to be confused even more by adults dressing them up as drag queens on the school playground. . . .
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Pushing the transsexual envelope
Hartford Courant
By now, Entertainment Weekly reports this week, 61 percent of college freshmen, who grew up with Will & Grace, approve of gay marriage. The finding in the national poll is up 10 percentage points from a decade ago.
A turn around the dial will bring you gay story lines in daytime soap operas, same-sex dating on MTV shows like Next and A Shot of Love With Tila Tequila, and prominent gay characters on ABC's Brothers & Sisters and several cable shows — FX's Nip/Tuck, HBO's The Wire and Showtime's The L Word.
Suspected of being gay is no longer the guaranteed laugh it was on TV anymore, even on macho shows like Two and a Half Men. And characters like George on Grey's Anatomy or Barney on How I Met Your Mother can be credible as virtual Lotharios, even though they are played by gay men.
Some surprises
No, to add shock to TV shows in 2007, writers have turned to transsexuals.How surprising was it last season on Ugly Betty when Alex, the long-lost brother of Mode magazine editor-in-chief Daniel Mead, returned as Alexis, who was not only a woman but also a woman who looks like Rebecca Romijn (exactly like her, as it turned out)?
A story line over the summer on Entourage involved Johnny Drama trying to get in good with the mayor of Beverly Hills by hooking him up with what appeared to be a beautiful woman at a trendy bar. Her pre-op secret was revealed in one of those skirt flash shots the paparazzi so love. But the mayor (Stephen Tobolowsky) decided he liked his exotic new acquaintance, anyway.
Another politician on a TV series who decided to stick with his transsexual is William Baldwin's Patrick Darling on ABC's Dirty Sexy Money. Although a married New York state attorney general running for U.S. Senate, he is determined to continue his illicit relationship with Carmelita, despite entreaties from his family lawyer.
Carmelita, a sultry blonde with a very low voice, is notable because she might be broadcast TV's first recurring transsexual character who actually is played by a transsexual.
Other shows
She is played by Candis Cayne, whose previous credits include Wigstock: The Movie, To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar and an episode of CSI: New York.A transsexual story line also occurs early on another new ABC series, Big Shots, in which divorced cosmetics CEO Duncan Collinsworth, played by Dylan McDermott, hooks up with a transsexual prostitute at a rest stop — a tryst that threatens his career when the story gets out.
A more normal depiction of a transsexual life comes as a small part of the FX series The Riches, about a family of grifters, whose youngest son prefers to dress in women's clothes.
Even as more daytime talk shows take a more serious look at transsexuals, including an October episode of Oprah Winfrey, some in the transgender community are not encouraged by TV's tendency to depict transsexual women, especially those of color, as prostitutes. The only transsexual women who so far escape that profession are white.
But on There's Something About Miriam, an imported BBC series on the Fox Reality cable channel, a group of men vie for the affections of a Mexican woman. According to Fox Reality, the show involves "six eligible men, one beautiful model named Miriam and an enormous secret reveal you never saw coming."
Miriam speaks out
But in this season of transsexuals, of course you saw it coming.And if you didn't, it was revealed in the premiere (shown, oddly, on Halloween, following the announcement of a winner on The Search for the Next Elvira).
"I'm not a real woman. I wasn't born as a girl, I was born as a man. I'm a transsexual," Miriam says with about 10 minutes left in the first episode. "I see myself as a girl because I've been living about half my life the way I am living now.
"I don't have any operation. I'm totally natural, this is me."
A doctor from Spain is then interviewed, so he can say, "I can confirm that she has got masculine genitals."
"I see myself as a girl, so basically I like straight guys," Miriam says. The guys won't find out until the final episode.
When There's Something About Miriam first aired in the United Kingdom in 2004, it was called "the cruelest reality-show idea yet."
Filed suit
Its participants sued the show for conspiracy to commit sexual assault, defamation, breach of contract and personal injury in the form of psychological and emotional damage.The cases were settled out of court, and the show since has been shown in Australia and Poland. Still, it is perhaps understandable that the cast refuses to do interviews related to the show's U.S. debut.
Mara Keisling, executive director for the National Center for Transgender Equality, has said, "It's just natural that as there are more trans people visible in public; that's going to be reflected in popular culture."
Some take offense
But with its emergence come terms that are offensive to the community, from "she-male" to "tranny."And conservative watchdog groups are against it altogether.
Christopher Gildemeister, in the TV Trends column for the Parents Television Council, says ABC has an "apparent fetish for transsexuals" in a season where "bizarre forms of sex are being emphasized to a much greater degree on television than ever before." . . .
Sex changes put on police agenda
by Emma Stone
POLICE chiefs in Coventry are to get new guidelines on how to deal with officers who are going through a sex change.
West Midlands Police has plans to improve its policy relating to members of staff going through the sex change process and how it treats transsexual officers and civilian staff.
The current guidance used by managers in the force - which includes advice on dealing with the likely press interest, how to refer to individuals after surgery and how their pensions are affected - has been discussed by members of the Police Authority.
Members of the authority - the body that holds the force to account - asked the force to show them its current policy, so it can be discussed as part of the personnel committee's next meeting.
A transsexual is a person who believes that he or she belongs to the gender opposite to the gender they were born.
Having guidelines relating to transsexual and transvestite members of staff is now a must as part of sex discrimination regulations.
West Midlands Police diversity officer Emily Smith explained that the force's policy was unlikely to remain the same and would have to evolve.
She said: "We are trying to make sure that there is no discrimination in the ranks and that managers have an understanding of it - it is not something a lot of people know a lot about. We are looking at introducing a question in the staff data review, asking if the gender you identify with is the same as your birth gender.
"There is a lot of consultation planned before any of the changes are made.
"Transsexualism doesn't occur that often but it has done in the past and we have to be prepared to handle it in an appropriate and sensitive manner." . . .
